lifestylemental health

Mental Health Awareness Week. I’m Not OK

It’s mental health week this week bit late to the party, as it’s Friday coming towards the end of it. Oh before go into my post, I’m from the UK so the dates may be different where you are, so please don’t go well it isn’t here, nonetheless I think it’s important to talk regardless if it’s awareness dates or not.

I suffer with mental health- depression and anxiety, but in the past been diagnosed with others, panic attack disorder,  PTSD, borderline personality disorder, in my teens eating disorder yes hardly anyone knows that but I’m not ashamed about it, just not one to talk about my life in detail, because I have been through A LOT, from being abused in EVERY kind growing up (it was by multiple people), thinking starting my life over, doing my thing, then bam, I was raped, (it wasn’t the house I was staying in, where it happened, the landlady was nice) so thought moving again, things be ok, fresh start again, WRONG, the landlady thought I was witch, not making it up, God’s honest truth, treated me like shit. So from there moved into living in young adults all girls shelter no picnic, to living alone, where I felt unsafe at times because of drug dealers thankfully they got caught and arrested, people high on drugs and alcohol, arguments, loud music, after a while got used to it, not every neighbour was wrongin. Just to top it off I became seriously ill age 21 now in my 30’s, not being able to leave the property weeks months at time because I couldn’t use the stairs as lived on the first floor. So from being active, social life, uni, to bedridden. So guess what mental health kept flaring up, no surprise right. Only in the last couple years was considered for ground floor property because went to MP, as you know I live ground floor property now if you follow my blog.

This image is how I currently feel, sadly I feel like this A LOT. Theres actually more feelings, but couldn’t fit all onto the image. Some may say, well you in better place now, surely you shouldn’t be depressed now, DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT. Emotions don’t just switch off, theres triggers that tips you over, changes, comparing yourself to family, friends and yes strangers. I don’t feel like fit into disabled community (not physically, just I’m out of the loop), nor do I feel fit into any category, however part of me still feel like I have a lot to give, just I feel invisible online and offline. I know my mental health isn’t great, it can be stable, then other times, won’t say. I am under mental health team currently, I have been since age 14 or 15 on and off right up to now (of course under different teams, districts, hospitals). If you suffering, please don’t suffer in silence. I wanted to be open about my life in this post, because people assume I’m this happy bubbly person, which yes I am bubbly, but there’s so much more. I wasn’t going to post this incase of fear of family, or people going attention seeker, but you know what, this is my TRUTH. I feel like can be open about my past because I’ve faced it, does it haunt me of course it does, did I go down the wrong path – NO, some people are amazed how I am still here, I ask myself that too. I needed to do this blog post for me, for those who suffer with mental health illnesses YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I know I rushed through my life story, just brief summary, one day hope to do art story of my life, or photos, or written story, as I know someone can relate somewhere as cover A LOT of topics, who knows. For now let me stop chatting, don’t forget can catch me twitter, instagram @loopysos. Can email me please no spam, selling me things.

Remember theres Samaritans (UK), local mental health teams, speak to your doctor if you can, if you unable to speak to those who are around you. But I always say seek professional help, by the way it’s not A TREND, Do Not Self Diagnose, I know it’s hard but that’s why need to speak to professionals as you might just be having rough month doesn’t mean you depressed, more layers to it than you think. Ok I’m shutting up now, promise.x

3 thoughts on “Mental Health Awareness Week. I’m Not OK

  1. Thanks for sharing you experience it is so empowering to others who may feel that they are at their breaking point. Too many people suffer in silence while as you said there are organisations that can actually help.

    1. It’s very lonely, isolating world it’s about breaking down barriers, making people open to talk whether it’s expressing through music, art, poetry etc, I think that’s why continue to talk about mental health on my blog.

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