Having chronic illnesses, mixed in with seizures (functional neurological disorder) and icing on the cake mental health illnesses, so there’s a lot going on in one body, plus flare ups does not help.
Filters are perfect online and off, as you stay hidden from the truth. In all honesty I’m fed up, tired of feeling like I’m hopeless because I am not completing the whole of my to do lists some weeks, A FAILURE I’m not successful at ANYTHING, my blog, YouTube, suck at social media, I’m crap at friendships, I find it hard to keep up with conversations, forget to follow-up because I easily forget things due to my illnesses. I get jealous way to easily when I see the adventures of what people getting up to, all the fabulous outfit pics, make up, hair flawless, holidays, yes I know just a snippet. I realise my mind can take me to dark places, or if my seizures confusion episodes wiping me out, I’m like what’s the point. I wish I was able to be normal maintain friendships, not vanish in mid conversation because I’m to unwell (when talking via Messenger, Twitter, Instagram, and WhatsApp) and I’m not much of a fan of phone calls.
Invisible. Isolated. Lonely. Forgettable. Bubbly. Pets Mother. Partner. Strong. Queen.
In the disabled community I FAIL, as so many Bloggers out there doing great job, spread awareness, I speak about it a lot of the time but it’s not like I have following so I’m just talking to myself really. I wanted to do this blog post as just wanted to be open, my blog is digital diary, wasn’t in the mood to post about day out/outfit post. It’s been long time since just done on my mind type blog post. The stupid comparing is a BITCH, I get angry at myself even without the comparison, it is a battle, I think constant battle within myself physically and mentally, it can be easy for external things to creep up. If you read this please don’t tell me meditate works, mindfulness, quotes, a silly diet, just needed to vent, as I’m sure others out there can relate, we HUMAN. For anyone who needs it Virtual Hugs!!!!!
PS- I am thinking of streaming (Twitch/YouTube/Mixer), who knows, my partner says why don’t I do reviews on trashy reality shows I watch, as I watch TV reviews on YouTube all the time, but I always think don’t have the charisma, the funniness nor the energy for it. Anyway if I do let you know. Check out my Youtube Channel.